Midnight rain; darkness galore.
Obscure memories trickle down my eyes,
Stirs me out of oblivion.
I open the floodgates of my heart.
This constant denial, I was tired I realize,
Carrying a soul for so long, one so sore.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Faith...
Psychedelic dreams,
Arising from abysmal darkness,
There's still hope,
I choose to have faith.
Life goes on,
Beyond loneliness.
Arising from abysmal darkness,
There's still hope,
I choose to have faith.
Life goes on,
Beyond loneliness.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
I had a dream last night; of her, as elegant and attractive as she was, as she is not today and as she never will be again. She has one foot across the threshold, eager to start the most important journey...heaven bound.
Very recently we made a trip just to be able to see her for the last time. Inspite of the agony she is in she has not stopped being the beautiful person she is. While we were there she still worried about my little girl playing in the balcony, the railings are not very high she reminded. Tears stung my eyes, and the lump in my throat grew bigger and harder to swallow. This is no way to go, yet there she is, blessing every single person that comes to see her.
Some people touch so many lives in their lifetime, in so many ways, not conscious and not realizing. May she be blessed, may she not suffer anymore, may her children and everybody else derive strength from this angel of a human being.
Very recently we made a trip just to be able to see her for the last time. Inspite of the agony she is in she has not stopped being the beautiful person she is. While we were there she still worried about my little girl playing in the balcony, the railings are not very high she reminded. Tears stung my eyes, and the lump in my throat grew bigger and harder to swallow. This is no way to go, yet there she is, blessing every single person that comes to see her.
Some people touch so many lives in their lifetime, in so many ways, not conscious and not realizing. May she be blessed, may she not suffer anymore, may her children and everybody else derive strength from this angel of a human being.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The queen of my heart.
Today is my baby's 2nd birthday. I still remember vividly the events of the day we brought her home. We, as new parents were blissfully clueless. We were so happy and excited that no inexperience seemed unpleasant, including, changing her nappies. She was 7 months old....and hardly took time to warm up to her adoptive parents. Infact she was very happy and gurgling with joy, as if she already knew.
It's strange, but this entire episode in my life seems to be preordained. As if I also knew. When I was a child myself, when I hardly knew the meaning of adoption, I used to go around telling everybody that I will have one baby of my own, and I'll adopt the other one. No one I knew had ever adopted. Then how did I already know?
When i grew up and met my husband, then fiance, i once asked him, what if I cannot have a baby....he being as sweet as he is, had said, it doesn't matter, I was his baby:). Again as if I already knew.
When the actual time came, and I actually experienced difficulty in conceiving, I completely forgot about all these signs that i had received, I forgot all about the answers and solutions that were already there in my heart. I spent 3 painful years in expectation....and one news, one evening finally made me see the light. My sister-in-law, my husbands sister, who already had a 10 year old daughter was pregnant. Doctors had said she only had 25% chances of conceiving for the second time, and yet there she was, so gloriously pregnant with a baby, pregnant with joy. I cried bitterly that night and woke up the next morning wiser, some people are meant to be birth parents, nothing can stop that. Not everybody can adopt, not everybody can become a mother to a baby that she hasn't carried in her womb, I was the chosen one, this was my calling. That was it, the end of all my misery. I was a happy woman. My husband stood by me through all this, he is my best friend.
The entire process of adoption takes more than 6 months, it took us less than 2 months to bring our baby home....wasn't it predestined? There's this song by Savage Garden.....that says exactly how I feel.....
*Maybe it's intuition
but some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see the missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life .*
I strongly believe that all of us get signs as to which people would come into our lives and change us forever; what circumstances await us. I believe that all of us have the power to know and understand how our lives would shape up.We fail to recognize this magical ability and lose ourselves to the nitty gritty of mundane routine. I have started believing in magic and miracles, I experienced too many to ignore them any more....it seems that I always KNEW some
It's strange, but this entire episode in my life seems to be preordained. As if I also knew. When I was a child myself, when I hardly knew the meaning of adoption, I used to go around telling everybody that I will have one baby of my own, and I'll adopt the other one. No one I knew had ever adopted. Then how did I already know?
When i grew up and met my husband, then fiance, i once asked him, what if I cannot have a baby....he being as sweet as he is, had said, it doesn't matter, I was his baby:). Again as if I already knew.
When the actual time came, and I actually experienced difficulty in conceiving, I completely forgot about all these signs that i had received, I forgot all about the answers and solutions that were already there in my heart. I spent 3 painful years in expectation....and one news, one evening finally made me see the light. My sister-in-law, my husbands sister, who already had a 10 year old daughter was pregnant. Doctors had said she only had 25% chances of conceiving for the second time, and yet there she was, so gloriously pregnant with a baby, pregnant with joy. I cried bitterly that night and woke up the next morning wiser, some people are meant to be birth parents, nothing can stop that. Not everybody can adopt, not everybody can become a mother to a baby that she hasn't carried in her womb, I was the chosen one, this was my calling. That was it, the end of all my misery. I was a happy woman. My husband stood by me through all this, he is my best friend.
The entire process of adoption takes more than 6 months, it took us less than 2 months to bring our baby home....wasn't it predestined? There's this song by Savage Garden.....that says exactly how I feel.....
*Maybe it's intuition
but some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see the missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life .*
I strongly believe that all of us get signs as to which people would come into our lives and change us forever; what circumstances await us. I believe that all of us have the power to know and understand how our lives would shape up.We fail to recognize this magical ability and lose ourselves to the nitty gritty of mundane routine. I have started believing in magic and miracles, I experienced too many to ignore them any more....it seems that I always KNEW some
people, some people who would change me forever, always, but never really realized until I actually met them:).
Monday, May 19, 2008
Answering the *WHY* within.
Why in Gods name have I started blogging....this year started on a very positive, yet confusing note. Too many questions have risen within, too many doubts have clouded my thoughts. I am in a constant dilemma. I desperately needed to clarify my thoughts, so desperate the need became that i even thought of seeking out a Guru of sorts. Then it dawned on me, the Guru would be in all possibility another human being, not God himself. If he has the power to give answers to my questions, then so should I be able to do the same. All of us have possibilities, powers....why give in so easily, why not try and find my own answers. Revelations occur in most unlikely places and at most unearthly hours....I often find answers in my dreams, or very early in the morning when the mind is still half asleep, and also who can ignore the loo. I felt the need to document my thoughts, documentation will give meaning to vagueness...and perhaps answers to my endless queries. We cannot always express ourselves vocally, we need an audience, and who has got the time for such inane ramblings...so thinking aloud was out of question, so here I am making an effort to think legibly.....
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