Aspiration

While I secretly, painfully,

Guard your memories,

Every waking hour,

I envy your flaunting,

With such elegant ease, 

Two blank eyes,

Where I no longer reside.

© 2009 Rituparna Das

The non-existent moiety

The you,

That resides deep in me,

I am fully possessed by it, now,

Finally.

For these days,

When I look in the mirror,

I see a ghost,

A nothingness,

As if I don't exist,

Not anymore.

© 2009 Rituparna Das

A joke

There's a joke in the air, lately,

It goes by the name of love,

I couldn't stop my tears from flowing,

While enjoying a hearty laugh!

© 2009 Rituparna Das

Deadly desire

In love,

I could easily kill,

And drown in a well of tears.

Only if,

I could kill myself,

To see your flow of tears.

© 2009 Rituparna Das

Wasteful indulgence

Love,

Such waste,

Of sleep,

Of thoughts,

Of teardrops.

I indulge,

Yet.

© 2009 Rituparna Das

Expiry date

Time lapsed,

Infinity,

As expected

You lasted,

Deep,

Unexpected.

© 2009 Rituparna Das

I do.

Tell me...

Before sleep begets you,
Every single night,
Do you sigh and imagine me,
Lying beside?

Before dawn when the sun still sleeps,
And you lay wide awake,
Do you ever breathe in the scented air,
Wishing you were in my dreams?

At the break of a busy day,

When you return home all alone,

Do you wish just for once,

That I'd open the door?

When the dark clouds gather,
Uncalled for, on a summer afternoon,
Do you wish I was holding your hand,
Soaking in the rain?

On a very warm sunny day,

As the heat dries up all senses,

Do you wish that I'd quench your thirst,

With a single furtive  kiss?

Alas,

These questions I'd never ask,

But I wish I could let you know,

If you ever asked me the same things,

I could only say, I do.

© 2009 Rituparna Das

April shower

A sudden cool gust,

On a parched April afternoon,

The gathering of darkness,

It rains ceaselessly,

Oh, with such abandon.

A sudden thought of you,

On a pre-occupied, busy day,

The gathering of darkness,

I cry again, again and again,

Oh, with such abandon.

© 2009 Rituparna Das

Omnipresence

On an ordinary day,
Of pretense and lies,
Like a rain star,
In me you quietly rise.

Constant and hidden,
Beyond my will to resist,
Like the early morning moon,
In me you hazily persist.
© 2009 Rituparna Das

The traits

The loser

You know I have tried,
All that was there,
I so foolishly thought,
Towards something,
My life I could veer.
I tried to write,
I tried to sing,
I tried to paint,
And even dancing.
But alas,
The arts and the delusion,
I earned a fancy name,
That of a loser.

The loner
I tried to be social,
Relations and ties,
Momentary joys
Beguiled by lies.
An urge to escape
This emotional rape.
I survived somehow,
This claim game,
In the process,
I earned another fancy name,
That of a loner.

The lover
So you tell me,
What should I do ,
I seem to be good at nothing,
Except,
Loving you.
© 2009 Rituparna Das

Blur

A blur surrounds me,
Always,
A blur of thoughts,
A blur of words,
A blur of a face,
A blur of few days.

I function,
Neverthless,
Partially numb,
Consciously dumb,
Lost in the past,
Clinging to a love,
That didn't quite last.
© 2009 Rituparna Das

The red balloon

Sitting in the park,
With a punctured heart,
Unable to cry,
Or even smile,
I bought a red balloon,
On impulse,
Not knowing why.

I saw an urchin boy,
With a smashed plastic toy,
Searching in it,
A lost childhood.
I gave the balloon to him,
In front of me he stood,
With an unexpected gift,
The glee on his face,
My mood started to lift.

I made a tiny wish,
Can atleast God,
Unlike my heart,
Make this balloon last,
A little longer,
Than it logically must.
© 2009 Rituparna Das

The drunkard

The night was drunk,
The breeze fragrant,
Seduced by the yellow moon,
My desires ran vagrant.

I wanted to give in,
To the magic of the night,
But who would take me in,
With your memories clutched so tight?
© 2009 Rituparna Das

Purgation

Last night,
At about half past three,
The full moon came by my window,
Just above the apple tree.

I bathed in its white,
And washed myself clean
Off my old blackened heart,
From that night of a scarlet sin.
© 2009 Rituparna Das

Beholden

I have travelled far and near,
To the mountains and the sea,
I've seen the turbulent storms,
And danced with the rain, carefree.

I have burned in desire,
I have died in pain,
I have known all joys worth knowing,
The dark inner evils I have bravely slain.

I thought I have seen it all,
I thought my heart has bled enough,
I thought my life to be the cliched "half full",
Caught in the mundane, smooth and rough.

Then I found you.
My search began,
For that one thing,
Which was never in my plan.

I dared not want you,
I simply loved,
The dream of possession,
Never once occured.

But the feeling was hard to contain,
So strong, I could hardly breathe,
The joy and pain of it all,
In it my heart, I let gently seethe.

For you I can drown myself,
In the fathomless ocean of tears,
For you I can stand at the precipice,
Engulfing all my petty fears.

You are free, you are not mine,
Yet I cannot repay your debt to me,
Do you realize the gift you gave,
The eyes to see the I, that I could be.
© 2009 Rituparna Das

The struggle

God knows I have tried hard,
To muffle the love songs
That the crickets sang,
Coming in millions and in throngs.

God knows I have tried hard,
To wipe the smile off the yellow moon,
Oh how it had cast a black magic,
And simply made the two of us swoon.

God knows I have tried hard,
With my silence, to drown your words,
They sliced through me all night long,
Like sharp tiny swords.

God knows I have tried hard,
To smother the raging fire,
I have seen your eyes burn with it,
Fanning in me a passion dire.

God knows I have tried hard,
To kill the love that turned me mad.
But alas...

The crickets still sing on,
The moon still smiles it's spell,
Your words still make me bleed,
Your look still turns me pale.

God knows I have tried hard,
For all these lost and past days,
To fade that silver first night,
With heavy shades of mundane grays.
© 2009 Rituparna Das

My God

I have seen you dance,
At the eye of a storm,
Raging mad,
An electric form.

I have heard you sing,
With the ocean waves,
A pounding beat,
Against the caves.

You have painted the sky,
With the northern lights,
And a silver moon,
On dark dreary nights.

Your poetry writ on every leaf,
Of all the yellow autumn trees,
Bestowed on the world beneath,
With the cool and gentle breeze.

I've never put my face in a storm,
I have never danced in any form.

I've never sailed on fiesty waves,
And sang a song in the abysmal caves.

My eyes burn in the purple lights,
I cannot paint on blinded nights.

I can only see the barren trees,
My poetry gets lost in the autumn breeze.

So I sit here today in wonderment,
Not knowing what I should do,
Why have you set your heart on me,
When I have to deny you?
© 2009 Rituparna Das

The forest rain

I cried today,
Along with the forest rain,
After a decade or so,
Of a drought dried pain.

The angst, the bitter love,
I let it all go,
I could see the red of my heart ,
In a stream flow slow.

The lightness, the joy,
Ran through my veins,
I soaked in the green from around,
To cover up old stains.

The rain stopped, empty and spent,
Stealthily, as it had come,
Leaving behind a chilly wetness,
And heavy fragrance some.

Strangely again for no reason,
My heart gave a twisted lurch,
All the cleaning poorly failed,
The rain couldn't wash away your touch.

Like the wet earth, an aftermath,
Like the surging flash flood,
The crystal droplets on the leaves,
I sighed, you still linger in my blood.
© 2009 Rituparna Das

Yaad....

Aaj phir se tum yaad aaye,
Is bhagadouri ke beech,
Aisehi,
Bewajah,
Jaise barsaat ke din,
Kabhi kabhi,
Galti se,
Sunheri dhoop nikal aati hai.
© 2009 Rituparna Das

A snapshot

I chanced upon a pinhole,
Piercing through the dark,
Sleepless and searching,
At the middle of the night.
So I veiled myself,
With the heavy black sky,
And took a snapsot.
There was you,
There was light,
There was love,
There was joy,
And,
A silver teardrop.

A need to touch it,
To dip my fingers,
To feel the pain,
Deep down there,
But alas,
I realized soon,
It's frozen in time,
Lifeless
And distant,
In a way
Just like you.
© 2009 Rituparna Das

The prostitute

I have lived for too long,
Much longer than my soul,
It's urge to live, once, was very strong,
Until, filth and pain took their cruel toll.

It lies hard, cold, white and dead,
In a body soft, red and warm,
The smiles, the tears, it has let them fade,
On the face of it's pretended calm.

There's a stolen wish, to come alive,
Breathing, longing, living for you,
But the blood, the hunger has to survive,
Would you find me a body new?
© 2009 Rituparna Das